Item: Jeremy Clarkson in the Sun - to cyclists: “Do not pull up at junctions, because if I am behind you, I will set off at normal speed and you will be crushed under my wheels.”
“Do not, ever, swear at or curse people in cars or trucks. You are a guest on roads that are paid for by motorists, so if we cut you up, shut up.”
Jeremy Clarkson - always thought of him as a large and amusing doggy of a man; overweight, no discernible talent, a good line in the kind of pub patter aspired to by a middle aged sextet of lager-necking Yorkshire lard-arses performing at full volume behind us for six hours at the last one-day against Australia, lads going on forty-five and a half but determined to rediscover the inner playground shitbag; yuckily amusing as a spectacle in the same way as might be the dog performing an act forbidden by manners and hygiene to humans in public.
But - always the danger when windbags, or dogs for that matter, are given too much attention - Clarkson gets overexcited, seems to be aspiring to a kind of Brownshirtism, to legitimising public violence committed by the dominant group; in this case only fat farts in cars; but from here, who knows? It’s a scary scenario, but for every Clarkson there is probably a sub-culture of a thousand or a million sub-Clarksons. What kind of uniform, what kind of ideology? I saw a sub-C (Subsy) in Market Harborough with a bumper sticker “So many pedestrians, so little time”. Who's next on the list? The front pages of the Express and Mail are already screaming the answers.
Incidentally Jeremy - bit of a difficult concept here, so don’t try to take it in all at once - just because somebody has a bicycle it doesn’t mean they don’t have a car. Look at it this way. Somebody buys a bicycle. The same person buys a car. Then they have both. Good. Wasn’t so difficult was it?
So even if it were true that fat farts in cars own the road in a literal sense, which I don’t think it is, Jeremy, is it, not really; it’s what we call a fantasy; even then, it is possible to have a serving member of fat fartdom on a bicycle. And we won’t laugh. Really.
But every cloud has a silver lining. The way you put it, the moment that you get out of your car and try to cross the street, at that very moment you, Jeremy Clarkson, sadly a mere pedestrian now, cease to own the road, nor any right to life. But that's not true either. You're with us for the duration I'm afraid.
Oído en el mundo real
1 year ago